Toys for grown-ups. Dildos, vibrators, love eggs, handcuffs, cock rings, the list goes on. The main thing is that they are there to enhance your sex life. We’ve all heard those weirdos who say ‘If you need toys then you’re doing something wrong’. Uh-huh. Guys, if your woman won’t use a fat 10 inch vibrator while you sit happily wanking as you watch her slide that bad boy in and out of her creamy pussy, divorce her. Dump her. Get a bit on the side. If she shudders at the thought of you wearing a cock ring to sustain your hardon, or fixes you with one of ‘those looks’ every time she catches you with a porno on, remote control in one hand and a jelly vagina toy working your dick with the other, she’s not the one for you.

Girls - if your man won’t get the digital camera out and take a few kodak moments as you lay on the bed in the all-together with a rampant rabbit squirming it’s way inside and flicking your bean making you moan incontrollably, he’s an idiot. A jerk. An asshole.

For the good of mankind, men and women everywhere need to be using conventional and not so conventional toys on themselves and each other in and out of the bedroom, if not for your own sakes, then at the very least to give me something to fantasise about as I break out the lube and get up to all sorts of my own weird wanking sessions. Hop on over to Ashley Sex Toys and give yourself and/or your partner a treat. It’s more fun than sitting around playing scrabble